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You think your Tinder dates are bad? Try finding love as a lesbian who just landed in pre-dating app NYC via flying saucer. That was the insane on-screen reality for a trio of extraterrestrial characters in the 2012 indie rom-com “Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same.” As a hilarious homage to 1950s sci-fi flicks, low-budget B-movies, and urban romance, the cult classic of modern queer cinema reveals that U-hauling with a UFO is even harder than it looks.

The film follows three aliens tasked to find heartbreak on Earth in order to save their home planet – whose inhabitants believe that romantic feelings are the cause behind its depleting ozone. Between a quirky fling with an unsuspecting stationary store employee, unhinged intergalactic love triangles, and men in black lurking on Manhattan’s city streets, the space invaders unveil laughable yet universal life lessons of love and belonging. A decade after its release, writer and director Madeleine Olnek reflects on the feature-length debut that skyrocketed her cinematic career and won the hearts of lesbians all over the world – and beyond.

All of Madeleine Olnek’s feature films – including 'Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same' – are now available to rent on Amazon. You can also stream her latest release, ‘Wild Nights with Emily,’ on Hulu and Kanopy.

Read our exclusive interview with the writer/director below.

I got the DVD of 'Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same' because I had been wanting to watch it for so long but couldn't find it anywhere. It was literally a hidden gem. How would you describe this movie to someone who hasn't seen it yet?

It's an underground queer comedy. I would say that you get to see the old New York in it too. There are so many queer movies that are sort of all commercialized, but this isn't one of them. Variety called it a 'family film,' which was funny. It's not a typical film. It's not a cookie-cutter romantic comedy.

For me, this movie perfectly captured not only a universal feeling of alienation – literally – but more specifically, the New York lesbian experience. Like, I loved when they went to Cubby Hole because that's still such an iconic space for queer women in the city. Would you say that you've seen lesbian culture in New York change much within the decade since the movie's release?

I don't know that the culture has changed – I think that the world has changed. It was heavily centered around bars in the past, I think because there were so few places where gay people or women felt comfortable. It still blows me away when I see young people walking down the street holding hands. When I came of age, women couldn't do that without being harassed non-stop. So it's changed, and to some extent in a good way. But coming of age and coming out as queer, you always go through something because you're still the same person but all of the sudden everyone is treating you differently. There's something that can feel very alienating about it. I didn't know if you had been at the screening in Williamsburg that we had on Valentine's Day at the Nighthawk Cinema. Every seat in the theater was taken. It has a timeless quality with references to 1950s sci-fi and certain iconic images of aliens and iconic images of lesbians. So it's still as relatable as it was.

It's funny you mentioned that screening because the movie seems to have gained almost a cult classic status within certain corners of the world. But I feel like my generation is so caught up in streaming and watching what's available, so have you seen a newer audience being drawn to this film?

Everyone in the audience had never seen it! There's something about seeing comedies in public that's fun. 'Cause one of the opportunities that queer people were denied growing up is just walking into a theater with an audience and having the story on screen relate to you in some way. You know, you can watch things in your bedroom, streaming on your laptop as much as you want, but there's something so fun about a group of people coming together for a screening. But it's true, it is officially viewed as an underground classic.

One thing I love about this movie is you can really tell it's made for lesbians. I feel like some of the references were so niche that I didn't even realize it was a thing until I watched it and I was like, ‘Oh my god.’ How did you come up with the story and how much of the script was based on real-life?

The feeling was a real-life feeling that I had. With the premise of the movie being that these aliens live on a planet where it's believed that if you love too much, the feelings leave your body and rise into the sky and widen the hole in the ozone – it was a realization I had at one point when I was totally crushed-out on this woman. I had this realization like, 'Wow, these feelings are so powerful it doesn't even feel like I'm having them. They just feel like they're hanging in the air – like they're in the environment. These are my feelings, but they feel like part of the weather.'

I often make comedies where there are ridiculous circumstances, but I try to write truthfully under those circumstances – that's what makes you feel like the story has stakes. So I drew on feelings that I had – that kind of yearning you often go through, how raw it often feels to be out and how alienated you feel. The other thing I would say is true to life is because we shot in the East Village, we could have people walking around the streets in full alien costumes with bald heads and pointy collars and no one take a second look. It sort of supported the premise, like, aliens could land in New York City and jaded New Yorkers wouldn't look twice. It made it more real.

Another thing that I really appreciate about the movie is its happy ending, which I feel is so rare to find specifically in lesbian movies nowadays.

Yes! It won a special award at Outfest, and they mentioned that she finds love even if she has to go to another planet to find it. Having a happy ending was very important for me because it's true – someone was telling me how when she came out, people were telling her to watch different movies and each one had an unhappy ending. And she was like, 'Is this what I have to look forward to?' It is really important, those happy, but believable, happy endings. I've seen movies that had happy endings, but because I don't believe them, it doesn't feel happy. Even though the writers or directors decided it's happy, you know deep down it's not because these two people aren't really gonna be able to make it work. But the movie is two oddballs who you know are right for each other – because that character of Jane is the only person you could imagine going out with someone who was really an alien, but she would never judge them. It was believable that she would be in that romance and find happiness in it too.

Right. Do you have a favorite film ending of all time?

It's funny that you ask that because I've often said I love the first two-thirds of every David Lynch movie, and it's really the last third where he's just jumped the shark and can't get back down from these things he set up. But the first two-thirds are so wonderful and exciting. For example, I loved 'Mulholland Drive' until the tiny old people shrunk to the size of ants and ran under the door of the woman's bedroom. I do consider that though one of my favorite lesbian films. But with a happy ending – Oh I know! Here's the greatest happy ending of all time: 'Nights of Cabiria.' It's Fellini and it's from I believe the 1950s. I don't wanna tell you what happens, but when you see it you'll see what I mean about a happy ending that's truthful and how satisfying that is. But I wanna answer this, let me think of just an over-the-top happy ending.

For me, it's not really over-the-top, but the ending of 'Carol.'

Oh yeah! That's a great ending. It was so funny – I remember opening weekend of 'Carol' in New York. After I saw the movie, everyone came out with – they looked like they had just been huffing something in a paper bag. Like, everyone was so dreamily happy. I wanted to stand there and take pictures of people and make a webpage like, ‘Audience Members Coming Out of 'Carol.'' 'Cause everyone just looked like whatever they had ingested had just hit them. They were so happy. It was a happy ending. I can't even remember exactly what happened, but I remember what everyone looked like.

You might not have realized this, but the ending of ‘Space Aliens’ was in color. I thought of it as a reverse 'Wizard of Oz.' One thing the lesbian playwright, Holly Hughes, said was ridiculous about ‘Wizard of Oz' is that Dorothy spends the whole movie trying to get back to the black and white world instead of staying in Oz where it's so fabulous. I never heard anyone put it so succinctly. But I'm gonna think of some more movies. I thought ‘D.E.B.S.’ by Angela Robinson had a very happy ending.

It's true though. Part of the reason is there can often be more money and more support for something that's seemingly about social injustice. Once you have happiness or comedy in something, it's not taken as seriously. Like, a movie where someone's murdered, killed, et cetera, can draw more investors because it's like, 'We're part of this cause.' What's interesting with drama is like, just because something is presented with weight doesn't mean that it has weight. Comedies change you. Watching them changes you. It gives you hope, changes your neurological brain patterns. I think for women especially, it's important to watch comedies so you can laugh at the world – because you really need to.

Exactly. I like how you mentioned 'Mulholland Drive' because I can definitely sense some Lynchian vibes in ‘Space Aliens.’ Who or what else would you say has influenced your style?

Well, I'm totally flattered you would say there were 'Lynchian vibes' because I do think he is a true poet of cinema. I love Fellini and Italian neorealism. I also was inspired by the French New Wave and Agnes Varda. For example, if you look at 'Breathless,' there's scenes where they're walking down the street and supposedly had the camera in a postal bag – but you're in the middle of Paris! Like, this is not a tidy lockdown set. I always think it's sad when people do low-budget films and don't take advantage of what the form has to offer. You have a small footprint, you can really get out in the city and capture the life of it. That's what I did with 'Space Aliens' and my second feature, 'The Foxy Merkins' – which is about two women hustlers who pick up Republican and conservative women and turn tricks for them in this constructive world – and sleep in the bathroom of the Port Authority bus station. I also take a lot of inspiration from theatre because my background is in theatre – the idea of making things performance-centered. Those are more my inspirations than other filmmakers, per se. Although I'm also really inspired by documentaries and documentary filmmakers. How long they take to get it right and how well they research things and piece it together to make it have a shape and a flow – and there's real life in there! That's just so thrilling.

Now that it’s been 10 years since you’ve directed your first feature, is there anything you would say to yourself when you were just starting out?

I would say not to be so worried about things. I was also a producer on all my movies, and it was a lot of pressure to bear all that responsibility. I worried about a lot of things and I would rather that I just worry about things once they actually happen. There's something scary about it because you don't know if you're gonna be able to get to the end, but we made it to the end with every movie. So I guess I would say, 'Enjoy things along the way more.'

If someone were to make a list of New York City's most iconic small businesses, Daniel's Leather would definitely be found somewhere near the top of the list. Nestled in between apartment buildings, restaurants, and bodegas on Orchard Street, this Lower East Side fur and leather shop has developed a cult following among New Yorkers since it first opened its doors in 1992. It quickly became known as a celebrity hot spot during the 90s and early 2000s for its head-turning storefront that showcases its massive collection of vibrantly-colored furs and luxury leather pieces.

In a new photo series featuring some of the shop's bold designs, artists Marcus Correa and Ricky Alvarez pay homage to this New York City staple and its fashion-forward founder Nadeem Waheed. The photoshoot gives an inside-look at the business, and highlights some of the designer jackets and coats available at the store.

Take a look at some of the images from the series in the slideshow below.

In a 2019 twitter post, Miss Major urges us to re-think about how “Trans Day of Visibility” manifests in the lives of Transgender and Gender Nonconforming as she states, “I really don’t understand why we need a day of visibility, since for most of us, especially with trans women of color we are as visible as we need to be. Our visibility is getting us killed, you know, so it’s not that we need to be visible. I think the thing is that the people who care about us, who are involved in our lives and who know us are the people who need to become more visible.”

As a community we are always moved by our Transgender elders like Miss Major whose life holds the blueprint for how to give love and experience love in a world predicated on our shared invisibility. Miss Major’s words are wisdom because they articulate a matter that transgender and gender nonconforming communities have continued to wrestle with for years. Why does visibility matter for transgender and gender nonconforming communities? In what ways has it afforded safety, love, and care for us? And, when it fails us, how do we turn towards one another to find the validation that so often seems missing? During this year’s Trans Day of Visibility, we seek to shift the narrative and gaze that surrounds our livelihoods, by reorienting ourselves from the sidelines to the center. 

For office's March Digital Cover, we’ve chosen to mobilize Trans for Trans as an expansive definition to include and reflect the vast forms of relationships that exist between trans people. Undoubtably, this issue will center the beauty, love, creativity, care, and kinship of transgender and gender nonconforming folks by highlighting all of the ways alternative kinship networks (i.e., friendships, romantic partners, families, roommate’s and cohabitants, and creative partners) reframe the narratives that have so often been left out of the conversations. 

By bringing together a fierce group of transgender and gender nonconforming models engaging in photo, fashion, and interviews, this issue demands the world to see the incredible work transgender and gender nonconforming communities put into nurturing, loving, and bearing witness to one another as our own systems of support. When we claim our edge as center, we make room for seeing how Trans for Trans, or T4T, love and affirmation as the core to any form of an equitable liberation movement crystalizes our existences as the love interests, stars, and supporting roles in our own stories.  

Morticia Godiva (she/her) + Devin Michael Lowe (he/they): Engaged couple

Can you tell me about yourselves and how you got to know each other? How did you meet or what was your first date?

Morticia — We met through a mutual friend, Indya More. So my first time meeting Indya in person was also my first time meeting Devin in person. I knew Indya, and I had kind of established a relationship online. And I knew of Devin through some of his work.

M— So our first meeting was kind of really surreal. And then Indya and I had some girl time and some conversations, and we talked about how I move, how I navigate relationships. And then she was like, "Oh, well you should talk to Devin." And so I slid into Devin's DMs. And then we went on a first date, and it was magic.

And how about for you? What was your first impression of Morticia?

Devin — Oh God. The first time I met Morticia, I thought she was fish. Isn't that right?

D — Yeah. I mean, she's so fish.

M — But tell them that you weren't going to talk to me.

D — I mean, Indya and I have been friends for years. And so we had said we were going to meet up at the museum, and I brought my cis friend, so I just assumed she brought her cis friend. So it was just like a "nice to meet you." But then I realized that that was not the case once Morticia slid into my DMs and I put two and two together. I was like, 'oh.'

That's too cute. I love that.

D— Yes. And our first date was on July 4th, actually. So there were fireworks.

That's so romantic. Congrats guys. What does Trans Day of Visibility mean to you in 2022?

M — I'll start. So in 2022, Trans Day of Visibility looks like going beyond visibility, seeing what resources and work look like beyond just highlighting us. Like, highlight us, yes. We need to be visible, yes. And I think that that is not the stopping point. So I think, thinking of June 2020 and what that Pride did I think for Black Trans organizations, for queer organizations of color —just the influx of redistributing wealth. I think that momentum was lost after that. So I think that visibility in 2022 looks like that same energy and putting forth...

M —Yeah, sense of permanence. Figuring out what infrastructure looks like. And like, I said, providing resources for folks.

And would you say anything different or would you like to add to that?

D — I mean, I would definitely echo everything Morticia said. Outside of that, I guess Trans visibility for me looks a lot less like corporations and businesses or the cis gays on us. It looks like more self-directed imagery. It looks like more images curated by Trans people for Trans people. It looks like really seeing ourselves reflected. It looks like seeing more Trans love. And not just Trans visibility for visibility's sake, but rather visibility for a purpose.

I think that's very strong. I think based off of our point for this project is we exist and that's been clear. And it's no longer about being visible, like you said. It really is about being visible to one another more than it is within these cis people or heteronormative societies. It's knowing that we have people's backs within our community and knowing that we can share experiences in order to get to places of self-love really, and self-protectiveness. So I think that's so beautiful. What is the impact that you as a Trans- engaged couple hope to leave in this generation?

M —That there are more possibilities. That the possibilities are endless, and to look to examples, and to also carve out what you need for yourself and for your significant other or others. Yeah. The world is your oyster and so have fun with that.

D — Just that you get to be the possibility model. It's like you get to be the person that you've been searching for. The love that you desire is the love that you can put out into this world.

It's a love you deserve.

D — It's a love you deserve. And that just Trans people loving on Trans people is so beautiful and so affirming and so worth it. I think it's a love that we all deserve to experience.

Can you push us the word affirmation to you? What does that look like in the trans community and the LGBTQ plus community? Affirmation from each other, but also towards each other?

D — I feel like I never felt fully affirmed in my relationships with cis people, whether that be romantic or otherwise. But, I don't know. There's nothing like being with someone and not feeling othered, not feeling the need to answer weird questions. Just I feel fully seen. I feel like I don't have to put on the mask that cis people or that cis people kind of force us to put on. There's all these expectations and projections that get placed onto our bodies and the way that we show up in the world in relationships from cis folks. And I think being with a trans person has just allowed for so much freedom in the way that I express myself and my love. It's really beautiful.

Green dress: AL + LU Apparel, Morticia’s Sandals: Stella McCartney, Earrings: Gras ‘roots URBAN, Green Blazer and Pants: Catou, Devin’s Top: Mia Vesper, Devins Boots: Daniela Uribe Design LLC, Hat: TULUMINATI

Coral Johnson (they/them) & Sunshine Thompson (they/them): Chosen family

How long have you known each other?

Sunshine — We've known each other maybe half a year now.

Coral — Sometime in the summer, right?

Did you guys click right away? Was it kind of in the same friend groups?

S — It was kind of like we knew of each other. And then there was just something going on around us that kind of had me being kind of nervous to go up to Coral.

S —Yeah. At first, I was like, Coral's stunning. Our friend Gabby kind of kept pushing us together.

C — Yeah, it was kind of inevitable. You know whenever you're just in a space with a bunch of other Black queer people.

I mean, it feels organic.

C — Yeah. It's like one of those things where you just kind of gravitate towards each other. And ever since then we've just kind of clicked.

All right. What would you say that trans visibility means to you?

C — Being 100% seen. But not even by cis people, or just by cis people, like by your people. I don't really believe that to be visibly trans means to be seen by absolutely everybody. Because not everybody deserves to see that. Because not everybody understands it. And like the way that they perceive trans people is not how we are.

Yeah, exactly. It's not like a one shoe fits all kind of box where everybody looks like a trans-femme-woman, and everyone looks like a handsome trans man.

How is your experience within the gender binary been a benefit to you and exploring that side of both of you?

S — I think for me because I continue to present so feminine, it's helped me look more inward inside of myself and really consider what my identity means to me. Does it mean something like, is it for me or is it for other people? And being like being perceived this way, I realize it's like kind of like a superpower for me because in my head I'm just like, 'y'all, don't even know how much masculinity I've got going on.' It's very empowering and it heals me too, because I've always like looked at myself and kind of been upset at the fact that like, I don't think I could help looking so feminine. And nothing about me compulsively wants to change anything about me. I feel more like my gender identity is like-

S — Yeah. It's like an existential thing, something above my head type of thing. And from there, it's kind of like snowballed into other self-affirming compartments of myself that I wanted to discover and pull close. And just hold onto, and just be like nobody can really budge me from the fact that I identify this way. Even if I present myself this way, it doesn't change for me. And it won't change for anybody else around me. You can perceive me as a woman if you want, but at the end of the day, I am me.

That's empowering. I think, as a trans person myself, I think that one thing that I'm constantly thinking, and it kind of sounds like it relates to you, is just that perception that I give off to people. People automatically assume they automatically gender us. They automatically-

C — It's that binary box.

Fully. And if we don't check this box with that box, it's like, we almost don't even exist. And I feel like what you just said is kind of where I'm at in the sense of like learning that it's an inner power really to be okay with being perceived however, and knowing that you are you. Because it's so easy for us to get annoyed with people, and not feeling like they're taking us seriously or not feeling like they're getting our pronouns right. And it just feels disrespectful in a way, at least to me, from my experience, but at least at the same time, we have the power of letting go of that.

S—Yeah, because my energy shouldn't be spent like being mad at the world. Because who am I trying to please? It's just like, you're shaking my foundation. When really my foundation is just who I am and who I believe myself to be and who I know myself to be.

C —They're shaking the foundation, but they can't get inside. They can't even open the door. They don't understand.

For you, what would you say that the benefits of having T4T relationships have been for your mental health?

C — Oh my God. It's a different type of relationship and friendship. It's a different type of connection. Because being from the south, being from Texas, I've always had to conform my friendships. You know what I mean? Like I've never actually had another trans friend or another Black friend that was like me. Like, I'll fit in with the white group and I'll fit in with the white gay, but that's not really like — they're not for me. They're not specifically like

They eat that shit up because they appropriate us..

S — They know the verbiage and everything but they make you feel-

C—But don't respect it. So whenever I finally got to have like a trans relationship or trans friendship because my partner is also trans. So we are transitioning together and having trans friendships, like when I go out in nightlife and beyond that, like going out to eat, it's like a different type of security. You feel safe, you feel protected.

Yeah. Because you feel authentic.

C—Yeah, you don't have to double think about things that you say. Like oh, 'are they going to get this?' Or 'is this going to even sound right?' Like you can just say whatever the fuck is on your mind.

C— That's another thing. Affirming as like even you can send your friend a picture and like — I guess like your regular like cis friend a picture and they'd be like, "oh, queen" or something. But then I send it to my other friend and they'll be like, "okay, king." And they'll be like, "Like I see you handsome." And I'm like, okay, you get it. Because I tell them before I'm just like, "okay, well, like I prefer these types of compliments or these types of pronouns." And they're just like still with the binary thing because they see like a wig or heel like, oh you must be like this.

If you have one piece of advice you could give to your younger self, what would it be for both of you?

C— You have no idea what is coming for you. You have no idea who you are just yet and you still won't when you get to where I am right now. Yeah, you still won't get that way, you still won't understand who you are, but that's the whole point. You're not supposed to know just yet. That's the beauty of it. Every other day you find out something about yourself that makes you who you are. That makes you in your transness, that makes you in your identity, and the mold of who you are as the enby inside. Like just because you want to wear mini skirts and a binded chest doesn't mean anything about you. It just means that you are you. It doesn't have to mean, that you're non-binary, that you're trans-masculine, trans fem, it's you. There doesn't have to necessarily be a label there.

What would you say to baby you?

S — I would say as many opportunities as there are for disaster, pain, and hurt, there are way more opportunities to find happiness, comfort, and peace. And as much as life is just one day after the other, just take stuff with a grain of salt, and continue to just fight for what makes you feel comfortable, what makes you feel good because it's not wrong to want to have those things for yourself.

Full Looks: Luar, Jewelry: Vivienne Westwood

Yasha (she/they), Sinn (she/they), and Elusyv (she/her): The Y Suite collective

Can you tell me each about yourselves and how you got where you are today? Just a little bit.

Yasha — My name is Yasha. I am an actress, filmmaker, and multimedia visual artist. I'm also the founder of the Y Suite which is a multi-service production suite that covers everything from makeup artistry to styling. The Y Suite handles motion picture direction as an extension of my craft as a filmmaker. We create films projects from the ground up, from writing to postproduction

Sinn — That's cunt. I'm Sinn. There's like a list of things that I do, but I'm just an artist right now. I do makeup and I design as well. And I think how this all came to be, we just noticed that we like have such a drive for creating art, especially when art is created for girls like us by girls like us, it makes still work not even feel like work. And it feels more rewarding when we're actually doing shit for ourselves.

Elusyv — Honestly, that's what it really is. I'm Elusyv. I'm a model, designer, and a resident photographer at the Y Suite. I started working with Yasha as soon as I met her, it was an instant click, and then when Sinn came into the fold, it was very much giving the Y Suite is complete. So it's been very cunt to work together and just like, honestly, we're building each other up.

Y — We actually began our relationship as roommates between me and Elusyv. And then, just as like collaborators and friends between me and Sinn. And then our relationship gradually grew into a sisterhood over time. And so when we all started spending more time together, we realized that we were passionate about the same thing. And then we started living together, and it only made sense to start doing what we do together.

Community is so important within our own lives as trans people. So I applaud that just for you guys to be able to find each other is seriously a blessing. How would you guys describe trans visibility to you? And what is the importance of trans visibility right now in today's times?

Y — think for me I encounter a lot of people who carry the idea that the lives of trans people and especially trans women of color are full of despair, sadness, and suffering. And I don’t think that’s accurate because I feel like my life with my sisters is very community-driven, beautiful and supportive. And I’ve been able to access all the things I’ve ever wanted in life by tapping in with my sisters.

That's amazing. What about you, Sinn?

E— Trans visibility, actually, for me started with these two. I remember being a butch queen living in California. And seeing both Sinn and Yasha on the internet doing what they did. At the time, I felt huge admiration for the dolls. When I started transitioning, it just clicked for me. Nowadays, being visible with my sister means living my life and sharing it, being happy every single day, and showing that to the world.

I think you guys touched up on a lot of things that a lot of trans people feel — just in that sense of always feeling like you're put on a spotlight, even when you don't want it.

S — Sometimes it just be too much. Girl, I know I'm cunt, but get out my face.

Within your guys' collective, how has this helped your guys' mental health and how is that mental health reflected from an outside point of view?

Y— Oh my God. I can say personally that before I was able to call my sisters my co-collaborators and co-creators of not only our projects, but our lives, I personally felt deeply overwhelmed by the idea that I would have to toil. To not only build myself but to move the world to see who I am and what I can give. I feel like I'm not by myself. I'm never by myself because there are people that are literally next door downstairs who I can be like, "Sister, we got to go get this together. Let's do it." And I love being able to just tap into that love. It's always a labor of love.

S— I think in a sense for me, at least when I do glam or if I'm making something with my hands, it's like I'm putting all my energy into one thing. It relieves the stress on myself. Even, like I was saying before, creating art with my sisters is very therapeutic to us. We get to put our energy into something, even if it's a photo or a video or whatever multimedia it is. The outcome, it's like we're putting the negative energy into it and then the outcome, it becomes so positive and then I can look at it into a situation where like, bitch, yeah I was mad at doing this, but look how it is now.

Y — Right. There's so much pride.

S— I think with trans visibility, it's all about just taking power back and taking power in negative things and turning into such a beautiful thing. That's why with the Y-suite I think that's why we be going hard.

S — When I say hard, we be going hard, because in order to be visible, I need to know that I am being seen.

Full Looks by Wiederhoeft Jewelry: the little things NYC  + JILL.HERLANDS

Iman Hill (she/her) and Kabirah Lewis (she/they): Romantic partners

Hi Kabirah and Iman. Can you tell me what relationship the two of you have?

Iman Hill —We are romantic partners. And we've been romantic partners now for about a year and a half, two years.

Kabirah — I'm telling you your relationship does not stand the test of time. If you do not have a COVID-based relationship, baby.

I— Facebook, actually. We had mutual friends on Facebook. You know the little 'people you may know' thing? And she kept popping up and I'm like, "Who is this? They're really cute." And, I'm a Taurus and I'm like a CIA investigator. I was looking for mutual friends and I saw that she was a dancer. And I have fine art and classical music background.

I— People who share similar backgrounds like that automatically attract me. I remember the first thing I told her was, "I need you to teach me ballet."

K— She wanted me to teach her ballet.

I—To this day, she has not taught me ballet. Something in my spirit was like, "You're going to have a closer relationship with this person." I didn't know as to what dynamic that was going to be, but it was an energy. We would FaceTime once every three weeks because she's not good with answering the phone with people that she doesn't really know. She's a Capricorn. I was calling her down. I was really pressing her. Finally, I was actually incarcerated in 2020, in the Heartsfield Jackson Atlanta Airport. Yasha is actually privy to this, too. But in coming out, I had to restart my life in New York. My femme queen mother at the time stayed in Jersey.

I—We had never met at that particular time, even though we were in online conversation or whatever for about, I would say, four to five months.

I— But after that, she was just in close proximity to me geographically. And I asked her to come help me and my mother do something for her birthday that just so happens to fall around that time. And she came.

The rest is history. What does trans visibility mean to the both of y'all? I'll start with that. What does trans visibility mean to you?

K— Trans visibility means I'm not trying to sound cliche, but really letting who you are be visible to the world. Not subscribing to any notion of who people think you're supposed to be, but just really allowing yourself to be seen. For one, I think that trans visibility starts with seeing yourself. You become visible to yourself and then you start to shed all these layers of who you're supposed to be and these attachments to da, da, da, da, da. And you eventually just start to peel out of your shell. And you're here.

How about for you, baby?

I— Trans visibility for me is a fight. In this day and age, we are visible, but we are not protected. What is visibility without protection? It is genocide, actually. I am in this, I find myself constantly in a fight or flight mode, and it has caused not only mental but physical ailments these past couple of months. I've been medically transitioning now for about for about two years. Going on two and a half, three years, but things do not happen immediately. It is a buildup of constantly being in fight or flight mode. It is constantly being stressed. It is constantly looking over your shoulder and if you're of danger.

To be frank, I'm dealing with panic disorder. I am dealing with severe anxiety disorders that now have to be medicated because in my mind I'm thinking that I am never safe. And even when I'm in my home, I feel as though I am never safe. Ask her. She has witnessed me, literally my body have these convulsions where I am physically debilitated because we are so visible. And that is what trans visibility means to me at this moment. Do I think that there is room for change? Absolutely. I think that in the fight for equality, there has to be someone that breaks down that barrier. And though I wish that my body was not being affected by it, I am still not going to not fight for my community and not to advocate for my community. So there is this pendulum of the good and the bad of what comes with being visible. The good is that we have been given so much opportunity. The good is that there is diversity and that now there is more color in the world. The good is that we can connect with those like us online because the internet is such a powerful place.

The good is that we have things like this that come together and the magic that is in our community is able to be shown to the world. Because we are the deities of this earth. We are the gods and goddesses that walk this earth. And those who don't know us, fear us. Erykah Badu said, "Most intellects don't believe in God, but they fear us just the same." Because they don't understand that the power that we have, so they fear us. And that's why they hate us. And I'm willing to accept the good with the bad, but I will never deny who I am. And I would never want any other individual to deny who they are. So trans day of visibility to me, means acceptance.

I think what you just talked about is completely relevant and prevalent in so many trans individuals' lives even before they come out, even before they even know they're trans. I feel like there's this constant fear of walking into a room and always having eyes on you, always being in the center of attention when you don't want to be.

I — And look at us, we are tall individuals We can't run. I go outside and I wish that I was the woman who was yay high who could fall under the radar. But whether I am painted, whether I look like this or not, walking down the street, I am a spectacle. She is a spectacle. And walking together, being in a relationship, it makes us two times likely to experience harm. Twice is more likely to experience hate and oppression. Physically, mentally, there have been bottles thrown at my sisters for walking tall and in their truth. But I won't change it.

Yeah. No, because honestly, it's not only creating the world that we are meant to live in. It's creating our fucking heaven on earth. Because we are these angels, we are these deities. We have the answers and that answers are us, that community that we build together in order to find these safe spaces and be able to tell our stories and share our own authentic truths with each other in order to get closer and closer with ourselves.

K— Just to add to that, because I feel as though trans visibility also encompasses — because transness is so divine and it is so embodied and our ethereal nature as human beings, I feel as though trans visibility is also about finding the bliss and living your life, basically as a sacrificial lamb. People don't even know that trans visibility also encompasses making space for people who aren't even trans to actualize themselves. So it's finding this bliss in, "I am a target at all times." There are people that are ignorant to the fact of the matter that I, living in my truth, make it easier for them to live in their truth because I'm just at the bottom of this totem pole. So it's like, if I'm at the bottom of this to totem pole and I'm holding space for everyone to be themselves, then it's like...

Encouraging others to be the same.

I — Because she wasn't trans when I met her, she transitioned in this relationship.

K — And I gave her her first hormone shot.

My last question touches upon this. What would you say is a benefit to being in a trans for trans relationship, specifically within a romantic relationship that you have never noticed in a cis- hetero relationship in the past? Does that make sense?

I— I was never in a relationship prior to her. Like I said, she transitioned through our relationship. And so I don't have any other experience to refer to. However, what I can say is that in dealing with men, because I do have a history of sex work and other things that require me to be intimately involved with other individuals. I can say that there is a even playing field in terms of understanding.

Can you elaborate on that?

K— Yes, the good in that is that while we are working through our dysphoria, our traumas, and our survival instincts as individuals. Because as I touched on just a minute ago, there's not safety in numbers when it comes to trans people. You're safer by yourself when you can blend in with society.

You're not confident, you're not comfortable.

I— But even if you are confident and comfortable, one, you can get away with. Two becomes, "Look at that group." Two becomes a group, if that makes sense. Like I said, we are two times as likely to experience oppression and harm by virtue of us simply walking down the street together. I'm not even saying having any public displays of affection. Just stepping outside the house together is harmful. I understand, but as a human being who needs to survive, there is sometimes a barrier where we have to unlearn our internalized transphobia. And our internalized views of what it means to be trans, to push past that and continue to love because at the end of the day, survival instinct says, "Get away from me" when I'm out in public. But the love that I have for the individual says "No, come closer."

Breast Plates: SEKS , Necklaces: Peter Do , Blue Pants: Mia Vespe, White Pants: Rossi, Boots: Syro , Heels: Daniela Uribe Design LLC , Jewelry: Jewellery Bar  + IZA BY SILVIA D'AVILA  + Riina Mettas Jewelry  + JILL.HERLANDS 

International Women’s Month may be wrapping up, but last week, The Standard East Village and RIMOWA reiterated the message that women deserve to be hailed for their resilience and strong-will every single month of the year.

Guests made their way up to the luxurious penthouse of the East Village hotspot for a sunset session of broadening conversation and connecting, moderated by journalist Marjon Carlos and enriched by speakers who all shared at least one quality in common — an uncompromising, “nobody stands in my way” attitude.

Speakers included Amber Asher, CEO of The Standard, Dezaray Romanelli, Managing Director of RIMOWA, North America, Felita Harris, Chief Strategy and Revenue Officer of Harlem Fashion Row, Alyssa Nitchun, Executive Director of the Leslie-Lohman Museum of Art, and Nicole McLaughlin, a sustainable designer and entrepreneur. It became clear through the one-hour panel that these women had poured their hearts and souls into their careers in order to grasp success, but almost as impressive as their drive was their openness — their willingness to share the trials and tribulations of their journeys and their desire to uplift others through their stories.

Although each of these speakers experienced different paths leading up to this moment and originated from different backgrounds, careers, and even different generations, there seemed to be a general consensus that it is through uplifting each other that we can achieve our greatest yearnings. When asked about the aspects of leadership that shone through naturally in each, Felita Harris shared, “The ability to connect and garner support of groups came naturally to me, but what did not is being vulnerable. Women should own their ability to empathize.”

Other panelists shared that their most fulfilling career moments were also the moments when they slowed down and listened — to others and to their intuition. Each spoke about defying the expectations that are placed upon women, especially women in leadership positions, from an early age. “Your timeline is your own and you have the ability to create it and make it whatever you want,” said Dezaray Romanelli.

It was a night of pride, sensitivity, and authenticity, and the best part is that we all got to experience it together. Each panelist allowed the guests, creatives of all mediums — writers, designers, business owners — to peek behind the curtain and learn that it is through this vulnerability and interconnectedness that we can continue to make waves in even the most unexpected of arenas. The night ended with a cocktail hour under the glow of city lights, because who wouldn’t want to cheers to that?

Photos from the event can be viewed below.

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